Chapter 4, Part 3
BEING IN BEHAVIOR SCHOOLS WITH THE WORST KIDS IN SOUTH SIDE CHICAGO
I was the only white kid in the entire, all black school.
There was one other white kid there for like 3 days. His name was Richard. I only remember his name because he was the ONLY OTHER white kid I saw in the 5 years I went to PFA. I think he was only even put into the school in a scared straight type of tactic. Like, if you’re not good at normal school, this is where I’m sending your ass. The school he came from was an all-white school which was really weird, so I think that’s exactly what that was now that I’m thinking back on it.
Being the only white kid, plus being fat made me an instant target for anything and everything. Any time a teacher and teacher’s aide weren’t in the room, something was thrown at me or some comment was made about me being white or fat.
I was forced to sit in the front of the class at the far left so that I wasn’t in the middle of all of the kids making me an easier target.
I was getting in fights on a regular basis. I hated being made fun of and I would always stand up for myself and it would turn into a fight. I mean, I got into so many fights, I even have a black eye in my 8th-grade graduation picture because I had just fought two days before. Also, notice how FAT I was.
You have no idea.
Before I hit puberty super late, which shriveled me into a scrawny kid, I was fat. I used to get called fat so much (on top of being picked on in general) that I started throwing up my food so I wouldn’t gain any more weight.
I was bulimic for about 6 months. I used to eat food just to taste it knowing I could throw it up later.
“Hey look, Grandma made pineapple upside-down cake. Mmmm, this tastes delicious.” 10 minutes later, throwing it up in the toilet.
At first it was hard but then you learn how to push really hard on the upper part of the back of your throat with two fingers and it automatically makes you throw up even if you didn’t eat any food. I used to even drink whole cases of pop or a bunch of chocolate milk and then just go throw it up.
What really sucks is that your fingers ALWAYS smell like throw up. Because that smell doesn’t go away for like 2 days and I was throwing up 4-6 times a day.
Here is me as a freshman in high school:
fuck do I look so depressed lol