Chapter 2, Part 5


“I remember hidin' under the principal's desk /
Poppin out scarin' him half to death/
They literally thought I had some serious issues /
I just thought it was funny, why don’t society get that too?/”

When I first started writing this part of the book, I couldn’t remember why exactly I was released to mainstream in 5th grade…then it hit me. It was the same kind of situation that got me released from behavior academies later in the school systems as well (as you’ll see).

When I changed from 4th to 5th grade, I actually changed schools as well. It was like a pre-middle school school for 5th and 6th grade. Then the school next to it was the 7th and 8th graders. Just stating it so you can imagine how it’s separated in Texas. I don’t know if this is normal since nothing was ever normal to me.

I would often get in trouble…and the teachers and teachers’ aides loved to restrain the kids. It’s like the adrenaline a cop gets when someone tries to run from them, I’m guessing.

Sad…really it is.

Pathetic when I think about it because now that I am grown like they were grown, I would absolutely love somebody to try to restrain me now. See how that works out for them. 🙂 Everyone asks me why I worked so hard to get so damn big in the gym. This stuff is the reason why – subconscious childhood issues of being picked on.

Anyway, I remember I would go home and complain about how it would hurt when we got restrained.

My aunt Susie and uncle Rick would think I was just exaggerating. This continuously happened until eventually, I came home almost unable to walk because my knee had been smashed into the tile floor of the trailer classroom while I was being restrained.

Then, people weighing upwards of 300 lbs. would lay on my leg for around 10 minutes leaving bruises. Oh yeah, the special behavior classes were in trailers separated from the school. So we felt even more separated from normal kids I guess? Real smart. Wtf.

Anyway, that time that I was actually injured, my uncle was furious. We went to the school asking that I be released into the mainstream to be out of the classes that had abusive teachers. We mentioned that I had been in the behavior system for 3+ years, my school work was above average, and my behavior wasn’t THAT bad, (or some conversation along those lines lol).

So guess what…they let me go mainstream! YAY! Finally, it was going to be 1 teacher giving us new work from different studies at the start of every hour. Like NORMAL SCHOOL. Now I could actually switch classes, have a locker, and see GIRLS like a NORMAL student.

Well, That Lasted About 3 Weeks

I was doing the normal school work, going to all the classes, and whatever else that all entailed. Then one day…I have no idea what happened. I just snapped and reverted I guess. Pressure maybe?

All I remember is I was hiding UNDER the principal’s desk when he came back from his lunch break and I thought it was hysterical. To this day, I have NO idea why I did this. I do remember the amount of laughter I had to hold back while squatting under his desk with the lights off for 30 minutes. I snuck right past the office assistants and everything. How invigorating lol.

So he came back from lunch, pulled his chair out, and I scared the living shit out of him. BAM, right back into behavior classes. They called my guardians and had a meeting. Blah blah blah. Back to the trailers.

Trouble Tattoo

Restraining Order Against My Mom

In between all of this, I remember there was one time where my mom, stepdad, and little brother came to visit. They stayed with us and slept on our pull-out couch in the little duplex.

Stuff happened, and my uncle came around and got tired of them screwing with my head and not keeping promises. It was making it harder for me to stay stable apparently.

My mom and stepdad had a restraining order filed on them so they couldn’t contact me, AT ALL. For anything.


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